Collision of the worlds
by locke huntsley
Summary: This will eventually become a romance story, but theres not to much of that yet. There IS, however, a LOT of humor as well.Please, tho, read and review.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I've decided, as per usual, to do somthing COMPLETELY unexpected in this one's disclaimer.  
  
The characters I use here, save No Onion, do not belong to me. They belong to Enix, or whomever  
created Star Ocean Two. Debo, Morrigan, and any other Sonic resturant people are based on real  
people. The Sonic resturant is a real fast food chain. I can't recive any money for this, so please  
don't send it.  
  
  
  
Chapter One:  
United by Fate  
  
  
The young man sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. At first, he was a tad peeved by the fact that he  
had woken up before noon, but he then looked at the clock and saw that it was one in the   
afternoon, so that thought promptly left him.  
  
He tried his best to rub the sleep from his eyes, and shake the cob webs from his head, but it   
was to no avail. It had been a wild night the pervious one, and he felt the ramifications of it.   
He ran his fingers thru his long blue bangs, and the rest of his short blue hair. Not every day   
do you see a hairstyle like his, with bangs that are down to your nose, and the back of your hair  
only two inches long. Add the blue dye to match, and most people would wonder what he was   
smoking. This man didn't smoke, however, for he really disliked drugs. Not enough to beat up   
someone who did them, but enough to give a groan of displeasure whenever he heard someone talking  
about the great high they had.  
  
Finally, his sleep-deadened mind began to remember some of what happened last night. He had gone   
to a bar. He usually did after work. There, he had drunken way to much, and danced with about   
twenty to thirty different women. And every one of them had been trying to get him into bed. He   
wanted to kick himself for not going to bed with one of them. "Shoot," he thought to himself, "I   
coulda gone to bed with four or five of them at once, and they would have been willing."  
But, he knew that he wouldn't have. He had too much respect for women, even though they would   
almost constantly throw themselves at him. Yes, this man, who could literally say just about any   
pig headed, stupid, unbelievable pickup line, and still have a woman respond to it, was a virgin.  
And it was obviously by the sheerest willpower.  
  
His name was Brian Wells, but he was more commonly called No Onion. This nickname was given to   
him by his work buddies at sonic. As he sat up, he thought about his job, and then realized that   
he was scheduled to go in at one thirty. Looking at the clock, and seeing that it was one fifteen,  
he panicked, and thanked God that the sonic clock was ten minutes slow.  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion walked into work, miraculously five minutes early. The second he walked in, one of the   
female carhops grabbed him, and kissed him smack on the lips. He pulled away.  
"Morrigan, did you just smoke a cigarette?"  
  
"Uh-huh, why?" said Morrigan, with her southern drawl. No Onion shook his head. Morrigan was cute,  
there was no denying that. At five foot three, with short, curly black hair, and freckles, she   
was a true cutey. But she ruined it by smoking, a big turn off to No Onion.  
  
"Don't ever kiss me when you've been smoking. In fact, never kiss me please."  
  
"You know I ain't gonna stop trying," she drawled.   
  
"I know," said No Onion with a roll of his eyes. He walked behind the counter, got a Dr.Pepper   
from the fountain, and walked to the computer. He clocked in, and walked to the kitchen.   
"Well, lookie, lookie, its No Onion."  
  
"Hello, Debo," said No Onion with a sigh. Debo was a big black man. He was six foot six, with   
biceps that were bigger than No Onion's head. He was also stupid. He was currently flipping burgers.   
As stupid as the man was, he was still a decent fast food cookie. Debo quickly finished putting   
the little niceties on a bun, put the patty on it, and put it in the bag. The bag of food was then   
taken by someone near the fountain machine, and given to Morrigan. Morrigan then walked out to the   
customers car, to give the customer his order. Yes, the sonic fast food restaurant was working   
like a well-oiled machine.  
  
* * *  
  
Eight thirty. Time to get off work. No Onion clocked out, and walked outside. Lucky for him,   
Morrigan had gotten off about two hours before him, so he didn't need to avoid her. He got in his  
car, and sat there for a minute. He had gone out the night before, and didn't REALLY want to go   
out again tonight. Truth be told, he got tired of the constant pickups. But, it was either go out,  
or go home, maybe see his dad, maybe not. Well, at the least, if he went out, he could at least   
play pool. And it wasn't like he ever saw his dad around home anyway. He drove to the local bar,   
hoping that they had a fresh supply of liquor after last night.   
  
He pulled into the parking lot, and got out of his car. The second he stepped into the bar, three   
of the usual bar flys ran up to him, trying to drag him to the dance floor.   
  
"No thanks, ladies. I just wanna drink a beer, and play some pool. I'll dance a little bit later."  
  
With that, he sat down at the bar, and ordered a Miller light. It tasted like crap, but beer usually   
did. He only drank beer when he either won a round of pool, or just wanted to nurse a drink. He   
looked around the bar. The only people hanging around were the usual bunch of rejects, as he   
lovingly called them. He finished his drink, and walked to the pool table. He played a few rounds  
for money, and broke even. He was about to pack up and go home, when a woman walked into the bar.  
She had long blonde wavy hair, which covered most of her forehead. She was wearing a long black   
dress, low cut, and a big slit up the side. She was also carrying a big piece of metal, which   
could easily have been a walking stick.   
  
"Who brings a walking stick into a bar?" thought No Onion to himself, "This isn't the middle ages.  
  
"Hey, Onion," said one of his pool playing partners, "wanna go for another round?"  
  
No Onion was watching the woman as she sat down, and ordered "the local poison".   
  
"Umm, no. I'll pass."  
  
He put down the pool cue, and continued to watch the woman. He didn't know why, exactly. Yes, she  
was new here, but that wasn't it. It wasn't that she was breath-takingly beautiful, either. No   
Onion had seen plenty of women as and more beautiful. There was just something different about   
this one. He watched as she downed a miller light with ease. She made a face that showed how she   
had a distaste of the stuff.  
  
No Onion decided then to sit down next to her.   
  
"Hey, gorgeous," he said in his usual cock-sure way, "can I buy you a drink?"  
  
With out even looking up from her new drink, she answered, "I would prefer you not to."  
  
No Onion was a bit taken aback. Usually by now a woman would be trying to shove her hands down his  
pants by now. Yet this one seemed to just not care.  
  
"Are you sure, gorgeous? I wouldn't mind."  
  
She finally looked at him, making sure to move her head slowly so as not to let her hair move.   
  
"Would it make you incredibly happy to buy a drink for me?" she asked quite bluntly.  
  
"Actually, yeah. What would you like? I notice that you showed some distaste for our 'local poison'.  
  
The woman chuckled a bit. "What ever your pocket book chooses is fine with me. I can handle it."  
  
No Onion wanted to see exactly how well she could. He ordered two tequila shots. He gave one to   
her, and downed the other one. She did the same. No Onion waited for coughing from the liquid   
fire pouring down her throat, but there was none.  
  
"Impressive. That would have dropped most women your size."  
  
"I told you I can handle it." Said the woman with a slight smile.  
  
"Lets just see," said No Onion, with a big smile. He ordered four more shots, and slid two to the   
woman. He drank one, and waited for her.   
  
After about five minutes, everyone was watching the drinking contest between No Onion and the   
mysterious woman. No Onion was the odds on favorite to win. By now, they had already downed about  
fifteen shots a piece, and showed no signs of slowing. After ten minutes, and twenty seven shots   
each, they were both slowing down.   
  
"Man," thought No Onion, as best he could through his drunken mind, "this is the longest drinking   
contest I've ever been in."  
  
They each had three more shots, and No Onion spoke up. "Hey, gorgeoush. Letsh call it a draw."  
  
"Yeah, shure. Might ash well. Your running out of money."  
  
They both tried to stand up, but they fell, passed out.  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion opened his eyes, and immediately regretted it. He had one of the biggest headaches that   
he had ever had. His head was swimming, and he had a God-awful taste in his mouth. He wondered   
where the hell he was, and then remembered that whenever customers passed out, the bar owner   
would let them sleep it off in a couple of cots in the back room. So he was still at bar. As he   
sat up, he heard the loudest snoring he had ever heard. He turned his head, and saw the woman that  
he had been drinking against in a cot a few feet away.   
  
Even thru his swimming headache, he noticed how beautiful she was. But, now that her hair was out  
of her face, he noticed something else. She had a third pair of eyelids. This freaked him out quite  
a bit.   
  
"Does she have a...third eye?"   
  
Upon closer inspection, he discovered that she truly did have a third eye. He was trying to figure  
out what to make of it, until she sat up.  
  
"Oh, man. Guess that guy COULD drink a lot more than he looked like." She rubbed her eyes, all   
three of them, and then, noticed that No Onion was sitting in a nearby cot, staring at her. She   
gasped, and quickly tried to shake her hair into her face.   
  
"It's ok, gorgeous. I already saw it. It freaks me out a bit, but I'll live. What, is it some kinda   
freaky scientific experiment?"  
  
"Umm, no. I, errrr, I'm from another planet. Now forget you ever saw me. Forget you ever saw my   
third eye, forget everything."  
  
The woman stood up, grabbed her walking stick, which the bar tender had thoughtfully placed near   
her cot, and began to leave.  
  
"Hey, gorgeous. You gonna leave without even telling me your name?"  
  
The woman looked at No Onion.   
  
"Opera. Now leave me alone." And she walked out.   
  
No Onion sighed. Out of the room. Out of his life. It was just another woman in a long line.  
  
  
To Be Continued. 


	2. Old Friends Meet Again

CHAPTER TWO  
Old Friends Meet Again.  
  
  
  
Opera Vectra. Tetragene by birth. Daughter to a high ranking official. To be exact, the Grand Duke,  
high advisor to the King. Which would make her a Grand Duchess. Or something to that effect, she   
was rarely home enough these days to remember. And even if she was home, there wasn't like there   
was much to her title. It was truly just that, a title. It would have been different if she had   
some responsibilities, but she didn't. She was a figure head, and all she had to do was show up   
for a few royal cerimonies once or twice a year. Leaving her to roam the galaxy as she saw fit,   
as she often did. It wasn't that she was searching for something, not anymore. She was just bored.  
  
  
She sauntered back to her space ship, which she had left near the outside of the bar, cloaked.   
She was amazed at this planet. By the instruments that worked on her ship, this WAS the Earth.   
But it was underdeveloped. There should have been a space port, but there was none. There should   
have been a lot of things, but there wasn't. She didn't feel like worrying about it, however. She  
needed to get to a REAL space port, and get her ship checked out. She thought back to what happened.  
  
* * *  
  
"All systems operating within proper paramaters," stated the metallic voice of the ship's computer.   
  
"I can tell that, puter. You don't travel the galaxy as much as I do with out knowing your star   
clusters. We're right outside of the Sol system, right?"  
  
"If you know, why do you keep me on?" asked the metallic voice.  
  
"Cause it would be stupid not to. Now don't ask questions. If I had wanted to carry on a convorsation,  
I would have sprung for the ship with the interactive brain. As it was, I bought you. Now hush."  
  
"Yes ma'am. Oh, there is a slight static near pluto. We may want to avoid it."  
  
"What is it? New star cluster forming?"  
  
"It is uncertain what it is, exactly. It could cause some system problems."  
  
"Well, then, let's be sure to avoid it."  
  
* * *  
  
But they hadn't been able to. It was as tho the damn thing had searched them out. There had been   
a blinding flash, and then, nothing. None of the placement or navigation systems worked. The thrusters  
had been shot, as had Fred, the main computer system. There had been nothing to tell her exactly   
where she was. After about a day's worth of work, she had managed to get the thrusters working.   
She had hoped to get to earth, and find some place that could fix navigation computer, which was   
a good bet, since earth was a developed planet. However, upon arriving at earth, she saw that it   
WASN'T the earth she had been to previously. It was an under-developed world. She had quickly   
dropped a cloak shield over her ship, which was a nifty little doo-dad she had bought at an auction  
on Betelgeuse seven, and parked her ship near an establishment. When she discovered that luck had   
placed her at a bar, she figured she deserved a drink.  
  
Which brought her to where she was now. About to get on a barely working ship, in the hopes that  
she could get to a place that had a real space port. As she boarded, she remembered that there   
was one on alpha centuri, a mere fifty thousand light years away. At full power, only a days flight   
with her ship, but as damaged as it's systems were, she would have to go slowly, and on manual.   
It added another three days to her flight. With a sigh, she started up her ship, and lifted off  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion sat in the cot for a little while longer. He didn't quite know what to think about what  
had happened last night, and this morning. Well, afternoon. He had done something stupid, and   
woken up next to a very beautiful girl. Who also happened to have a third eye. Ok, third eye   
aside, it was an amazing night. Mainly on account of the fact that he had passed out from drinking.  
He had been drinking since he was seventeen, when his mom died. He had passed out a total of twice,  
last night included.  
  
No Onion stood up, and grabbed his hat, which was laid by the side of the cot. He laughed at himself,  
cause he hadn't even changed out of his sonic uniform when he had came here. He vowed to make sure  
he changed from now on. Not that it had mattered.   
  
He felt lucky that he didn't have to work today. Very lucky. He decided to go home, and see if   
maybe his dad was around. Between him working, his dad working, and both of them going out on the  
town almost constantly, he almost never saw him.  
  
"Hey, Brian!" said the bartender, who was now simply cleaning up.  
  
"Yeah? What can I do for ya?"  
  
"I need an extra bar tender for tonight. Debbie called in sick. Can ya do it?"  
  
"Frank, you KNOW I can only mix about five different kinda drinks. I'm not that good of a bar tender!  
In fact, I'm not a good one at all! I'm a fast food cookie, and a shift manager."  
  
"Nah, your good. And plus, I need the help. And I trust ya, and I don't want anyone back here I   
don't trust. So, see ya at eight?"  
  
No Onion rolled his eyes with a sigh. Break up one bar fight, and ya got a friend for life.   
  
"Alright. See ya at eight."  
  
No Onion went outside, and got in his car. He sat there for a little while, wondering why on earth  
he had agreed to bar tend tonight. He wasn't all that good at it, but he knew what he was doing.   
The tips are good, he told himself, but he knew that wasn't it. The chicks would often tell a bar  
.tender a lot of personal things. But that, too, wasn't it. He knew what it was. He was hoping that  
that woman showed back up. He shook his head at how sad he was acting, and drove home.  
  
* * *  
  
"Right outside Neptune," thought Opera to herself. Soon, she would be passing Pluto, and hoping   
that whatever it was that caused her problems in the first place was gone.   
  
"Alright,"she said, looking out the veiw port, "coming up on Pluto. Here goes nothing"  
  
As she passed Pluto, however, the same blinding flash covered her entire ship.   
  
"AHHH, SHIT, NOOOO!!!"  
  
But as suddenly as it began, it was over. Opera looked at her instruments, expecting the worst.   
To her surprise, every one of her systems worked.  
  
"Fred, status report. NOW!"  
  
"All systems operating within proper perameters, ma'am" spoke the metallic voice.  
  
"But, how..why..Oh, forget it. Fred, set a course for Alpha Centuri. I'd STILL better get this   
thing checked out."  
  
"Get what checked out?" asked Fred.  
  
"Just a moment ago, everything was offline. Tell me, whats the last thing in your memory bank?"  
  
A mettalic whirring sound was heard as Fred checked his memory banks. "Checking..checking..checking  
*BEEP* The last recorded piece of information was passing by the planet designated 'Pluto' at the  
outer edge of the Sol system."  
  
Opera shook her head in counfusion. She just didn't understand it. Sure, odd things happened in   
space, and there was still a lot of unknown things, but the sol system was pretty well documented,  
and she had never heard of anything of this nature happening.  
  
She let out a big sigh, and said "Fred, get us to Alpha Centuri." Thankfully, now that her ship   
seemed to work, it would only take a day to get there. She sat back, watching her insturments   
carefully.  
  
* * *  
  
No onion pulled up to the bar in his old V.W. beetle. He was dressed in black slacks, white dress  
shirt, and of course, the mandatory black bow tie. He had slicked his hair back, in an almost   
vain attempt to look dignified. As his dad had told him for the brief five minutes he saw him,   
  
"You can't look dignified with blue hair."  
  
No onion had rolled his eyes at that remark, but his dad had been right. Ah, well, he thought,  
Frank knew that I had blue hair. He still wanted me. He got out of his car, and walked in. Frank   
noticed, and smiled.   
  
"Get yer butt behind the bar, Brian." He said. No onion smiled, and walked behind the bar. He noticed  
some glasses that needed to be cleaned, so he got to doing that, as he waited for actual customers   
to come in. Soon, several people walked in, and No Onion got to making and serving drinks.  
  
* * *  
  
"This is Opera Vectra, ship designation Excelsior. Permission to dock."  
  
"Please be advised that dock wait time estimated twenty minutes, Excelsior. Are you in need of   
immediate service?"  
  
Opera looked at her insturments. She decided that, despite the problems she had had back in the   
Sol system, her ship was currently alright. Certainly the old rust bucket could handle another   
twenty minutes.  
  
"Nah, I think she can handle it. I will need a diagnostics team on this thing for a tune up when  
I dock, though, if its at all possible."  
  
"Sure, not a problem."  
  
After a twenty minute wait, she was allowed to begin docking precedures. After another ten minutes,  
she was fully docked, and looking for a decent bar around the space port. She also wanted to do a   
little bit of shopping, but first, the bar. She deserved it. And at least at THIS bar, there wouldn't  
be some weird blue haired weirdo trying to hit on her.   
  
Walking down the walkway, she found that she had quite a selection. She found herself chuckling   
at the names of some of these places. Jonah's cup o' java, which appeared to be a combination   
café and sushi bar. Pan Galatic Gargle Palace, which apparently specialized in Pan Galatic Gargle  
Blasters, a specialty of Ursa Minor group of stars. She finally settled on a place that was simply  
named Bob's Bar.   
  
"Simple, clean-cut. I'm sure I can get decent drink here."  
  
She sat down at the bar, and ordered a zanganese zipper. She was happy that she was at a place   
where she had the opportunity to order a drink that was from places other than centralized. Whatever  
type of Earth she had been on had disappointed her in the ways of liquor. In a quick amount of   
time, a tall glass of blue-green, foamy liquid was slid in front of her. She tilted her head back,  
and in one gulp, downed half of it. It was firey to the taste, and almost reminded her of the   
liqour the blue haired guy had gotten her, with a fruity twist. She suddenly heard a familiar voice   
from behind her.  
  
"Opera? Is that you?"  
  
Opera turned around, wishing that space port rules hadn't forced her to go without her gun.   
However, that thought quickly left her as she realized who had called her name.  
  
"Chisato! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Got a job that has me travel a lot."  
  
"Sit down, let me buy you a drink."  
  
Chisato gave kind of a half shrug, sat down, and ordered a gin and tonic.  
  
"You know," said Chisato, as she sipped her drink, "the odd thing I've discovered about gin and   
tonic, is that every single culture in the galaxy has some form of it. The name is spelled diffrently,  
such as Betelgeuse's jin n tonix, or the Ursa Beta's jinian toinik, and often times, the drink can   
range from mildly alcoholic, to near fatal poison, but every single culture has a version of it."  
  
Opera looked at Chisato with a confused look on her face. All three eyes squinted, as she tried   
to figure out what Chisato was talking about. Finally, she asked.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"Just trying to make small talk. So, are you gonna ask what I do for a living now?"  
  
Opera merely shook her head. That was Chisato, still as ditzy as ever. But, she was still happy   
to run into a friend, even by such an odd coincidence.  
  
"What do you do, Chisato?"  
  
"I write for a travel guide. I hitch hike around, and send in info about different stuff in the   
galaxy."  
  
"Ok, sounds interesting, and right up your alley," said Opera, ordering another drink. "And, what  
brings you to THIS backwater place?"  
  
"This is where my last ride could drop me off. I was hoping to be able pick up a ride to the   
Zaranian system. You wouldn't be able to take me there, would you?"  
  
Opera thought for a while to herself. She didn't have anything else to do. And, with her ship,   
the Zaranian system was only a week away. Ah, what the hell, she figured.  
  
"Yeah, Chisa, I'll take you there. Ain't got anything else to do for a while anyways." Suddenly,  
a thought struck her. If Chisato was travling around space, then she might know somthing about that  
thing by Pluto.  
  
"Hey, Chisa, question. Have you heard about any..er..odd phenomenom just outside the Sol system?"  
  
Chisato sipped at her drink, looking thoughtful.   
  
"Hummmummmm...hmmmmmm. An odd phenomenom. You mean like the odd orbit of the planet they call   
Uranus? Or the fact that three of the moons of Jupiter have an orbit thats too wide for their size?  
Or, maybe the fact that..."  
  
"A more RECENT odd phenomenom, Chisa," said Opera with a sigh. "Close to along the lines of somthing  
that would register as static on the sensors. Almost the same kinda static that a new star cluster  
forming would cause."  
  
Chisato went back into her humming mode, thinking as hard as she could. She didn't have a whole lot  
of information to go on, but Opera was a good friend, and she was gonna do her best to help. After  
a minute more of thought, she finally had somthing.  
  
"Well, when I was on Serrelius Seven, you know, that sciency planet?, anyways, when I was there,   
I heard some of the people talking about the possiblity of a dimensional rift near the Sol system.  
Most of them considered it impossible, tho, because there was no normal thing in space that would  
cause such a rift. A few stated the possiblity of an outside force causing it, as in a man made  
object, but since they couldn't prove that it WAS a dimensional rift, they didn't dwell on that  
too long. Thats about all I could tell you. That help?"  
  
Opera tilted her head to the side. A dimensional rift? That would actually explain the oddness of   
the Earth that she had visited. Opera downed the rest of her drink, and said her thank you.  
  
"Hey," exclaimed Chisato, "That information cost me a few dates with a rather ugly looking scientist.  
The least you can do is buy me another drink."  
  
Opera chuckled, and shook her head...  
  
* * *  
  
"Sir, the machine is still going strong."  
  
"How far is it's range?"  
  
"Fifty light year circumfrence from the Sol system. Any ship that passes within that distance is  
zapped into the other dimension."  
  
"Good. Increase the power to ten per cent, and keep me updated."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
* * *  
  
It was rounding eleven thirty, and No Onion was as bored as he had ever been. Sure, he had picked  
up about fifty dollars in tips that night, but short of that, he had wasted sevral hours of his   
life. The only decent girls were the usual bunch of rejects, and as much as he loved to hang out  
with them all, he had always told himself he would never date that kind of girl. But, he couldn't  
even dance with them right now, because he was working.  
  
Of course, the male "rejects" weren't much better. They seemed to miss the fine line between at   
work No Onion, and goofing off No Onion.   
  
"Ok, Bobby, let's run over this again. Hair slicked back, at work. Hair under a Sonic hat, goofing  
off. Can you repeat after me? Hair slicked back, at work, hair under a..."  
  
Just then, the doors to the bar flew open. In stumbled an obviously drunk man. In fact, the word   
stumbled was an understatment. It was a wonder that the man could even stay on his feet. Every   
one moved out of the way for the man, afraid that he would vomit everywhere and drop at any second.   
  
No Onion shook his head, as the man stumbled up to the bar, and slapped his big hand down on it  
sevral times.  
  
"Brian, shwhere sha HELL hash you been? I'ssah been shlookin' EBERYWHERE fer sha!"  
  
"Dad, first, you're drunk, and second, how the hell'd you get here?"  
  
"Iya drove! I ain't SHAT drunchk! Now....looky shere. Immah shick and TIRED of shupporting yer  
ash!! Yoush needsh ta go outsh and gets a REAL job!! A fasht food cook ain't a jobferno Wellsh!!"  
  
"Dad, listen, let's go to the back, you can sleep it off there, alright? I don't need you scaring  
away the customers." No Onion was trying hard not to offend his dad at the moment, as it would have  
been quite easy to remind him that as an assistant manager at sonic, he made more than his dad   
did at the brick yard.   
  
"DAMNIT, BRIAN! Immah yer FASHER! Don't chu talk ta me like shat! And, anosher shing..."  
  
No Onion stepped over to the grill, and grabbed the clean spatula. He stepped over to his still  
rambaling father, and with one deft swing, knocked him unconcious. He placed the spatula back on  
the grill, and then picked his father up.  
  
"Come on, dad. I'm gonna put you in the back, you can sleep it off there."  
  
With that, No Onion dragged his father to the back room.  
  
* * *  
  
One thirty, the bar was closed and cleaned up, and No Onion went to the back to wake his father.  
He shook his head at the sight of the sleeping man. He cared for his father, which was why he   
had stuck around this long. He wished his father had a little bit of sense, however, and didn't   
get so sloppy drunk.   
  
"Can't blame him, tho. He took it really hard when mom died. Then when sis went off and married that  
guy he hated, well. Ah, well."  
  
He bent over his father, and began to shake him. After about ten minutes, the man finally woke up.  
  
"What! What do you want!!?"  
  
"Come on, dad. It's time to go home."  
  
No Onion half helped, half drug his father out of the bar, and placed him in the passenger seat of  
his V.W. beetle. He got in the driver side, and began driving.   
  
"Hmm, those clouds are dark. Looks like rain."  
  
As if on cue, a clap of thunder broke the silence of the night, and a bolt of lightning shot thru  
the darkness. This lightening caught No Onion's attention, however, as it was purple.  
  
"Lightening isn't supposed to be purple..."  
  
"And hair ishn't shupposed ta be blue." came a mumbled response from his father. No Onion ignored  
it, and continued to drive.  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	3. Side-Tracked

CHAPTER THREE  
SIDE TRACKED  
  
  
  
Opera sat in the piolet's seat, looking at her instruments. The mechanic's had told her there was  
nothing wrong with her ship, and the quick once over she did herself told her the same thing. She  
thought back to the conversation.   
  
* * *  
  
"I'm telling you ma'am, there's not a thing wrong with your ship, save a few calibration problems   
with the thrusters."  
  
"But," she said from inside the hatch leading to her ships computer, "the computer was shot, the   
nav. systems were shot, even the damn food synthesizor was shot! How can there be nothing wrong   
with the damn thing!?"  
  
The mechanics merely shook their heads, and let the crazy woman work.  
  
* * *  
  
"Chisa," said Opera, nudging her sleeping companion hard, "wake up. Your snoring is getting on my   
nerves."  
  
"*Snort, cough*....ZZZZZZZZZZZ"  
  
Opera merely shook her head. Yes, it was true that out of all her travling companions that she had  
when she had helped to save the universe from the wise men, Chisato had been the one she had gotten  
along with best, that didn't stop the fact that she could be annoying at times. But, then again,   
anyone can be annoying at times.   
  
She thought breifly of getting a drink, but she was pioleting, and knew it probably wasn't the   
best idea in the world. She was getting very bored, and her sleeping friend wasn't helping any.  
  
It was right then that she felt her entire ship shake.  
  
Chisato sat straight up. "What the heck was that?!" she asked in a startled tone.  
  
Opera didn't answer, as she was too busy checking the computer systems.  
  
"Fred, status NOW!"  
  
A metallic whirring could be heard, and then the metallic voice of the computer pipped up. "We  
have been shot at, ma'am. Diverting available power to the sheilds."  
  
"Shit," exclaimed Opera, "and this rust bucket only has the one proton cannon!"  
  
"What can I do?" asked Chisato in a surprisingly calm voice.  
  
"Sit there and don't touch anything!"  
  
"Oh, come on! I'm a bit more competent than THAT!"  
  
"Alright, while I try to get the weapon system online, you open a hailing frequency, and find out  
what the hell they want!"  
  
But, before Chisato could press anything, a male voice blared over the hailing recivers.  
  
"Ship Excelsor, the piolet is Opera Vectra, grand duchess of Tetragene, correct?"  
  
Opera slammed on the hailing button before Chisato could move to do the same thing.  
  
"Yes, damnit, this is Opera Vectra, Grand Duchess of Tetragene. Now, why the FUCK did you fire on  
me!?"  
  
"Lower your sheilds, and prepare to be boarded. Everything will be explained then."  
  
Opera slammed again on the control panel, turning off the transmitter. "Like fuck I'll lower my  
sheilds. Chisa, brace yourself for battle." And with that, Opera set the cooridnates, and fired  
her proton cannon...  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion half helped, half dragged his dad into their two bedroom apartment. After making sure the  
man was in bed, and once again snoring, he went to his room.   
  
"I swear, if dad pulls a stunt like that again, I'm gonna do more than whack him with a spatula.  
I mean, I KNOW he never liked the fact that I don't have some high paying office job like he used  
to, but thats still no reason to say my job isn't a real job. Shit, as of right now, I'm making  
more than he is, and he claims he's freaking supporting me."  
  
No Onion stripped off his clothes, and crawled into bed. He quickly fell asleep, and began to have  
very naughty dreams, mainly starring the three eyed woman he had run into the other day.  
  
* * *  
  
"Sheilds down to fifty per cent, Op," said Chisato. "I think we oughta give up, and let them  
get on, and then see what we can do."  
  
"CHISA," yelled Opera, slaming the fire button again, and typing in the nessicary data to move  
the ship around so that it hopefully wouldn't get hit, "THAT IS THE STUPIDEST.....WAIT!!!"  
  
Opera slammed once again on the transmitter.   
  
"Rouge ship, this is Opera Vectra, of the ship Excelsor. I hereby surrender."  
  
The transmitter crackled, and shot to life. "Are you alone, Miss Vectra?"  
  
With a slight smile on her face, she answered to the affirmative. The ship shook slightly as the   
tractor beam locked onto it.   
  
"Chisa, hide. When they come in, get 'em."  
  
"Not a problem," said Chisato, getting into a branch off room of the bridge. Not five seconds after,  
three armed men charged in, dressed in the light laser proof armor that was usually preferred by  
space pirates.  
  
"Hand's behind your head, Miss Vectra," said the one with the more vicious looking plasma rifle.  
"We don't want to hurt you, but we will."  
  
"If I may ask," began Opera, placing her hands behind her head, "what exactly is all this for?"  
  
"You'll fetch a nice ransom, being the Grand Duchess and all. The king likes his staff to be happy,  
and I'm sure the kidnapping of the Grand Dukes daughter would make his royal advisor very sad."  
  
"Fair enough. Can I say one thing, tho?"  
  
"What's that, Miss Vectra?"  
  
"Get 'em, Chisa."  
  
The sound of the mechanical door opening could be heard, as the three space pirates turned. The   
next thing they saw was a blur, as feet as fast as lightening moved across the heads of the pirates.  
Within seconds, the three of them were standing in a dazed and near unconcious state.  
  
"Good job, Chisa," stated Opera, not seeing Chisato pull out the two shock bars that let her use  
her ten thousand volt attack. Chisato charged them up, and shouted out.  
  
"TEN THOUSAND VOLTS!!!"  
  
Opera turned, a look of muted horror on her face. "CHISA, NO!!!!"  
  
Chisato was not able to stop, since the massive amounts of electricity had already been shot out of the  
rods. The pillar of sparkling light hit the three pirates, shocking them into unconciousness, but  
it then continued to move on, hitting the console, causeing massive amounts of sparking.   
  
"Miss...krrxzzz...Opera....kkkrrxxzzzz...systems becoming.....kkkrrrxxxzzzzz...damaged....krrzzxxx"  
  
Opera wanted to run to her console, but she knew she couldn't check on it for a few minutes, until  
the electricity dissiapated.   
  
"CHISA, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?! TEN THOUSAND VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY HITTING SENSITIVE   
ELECTRIC SHIP CIRCUTS!?!?!"  
  
"Ooops," was the only response that a still amazingly calm Chisato could give.   
  
"IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT I WOULD PROBABLY BE DEAD BY NOW IF YOU WEREN'T HERE, I WOULD  
FREAKING KILL YOU!!! I WOULD SO FREAKING TURN YOU INTO A BEEHIVE, AND I.."  
  
Chisato just stood there, letting Opera vent out all her rage and frustration. However, a thought  
occured to her. "Hey, Op, if you're done, we still have that ship out there."  
  
Opera looked at the ship, looked at the control panel, and, seeing that it was no longer sparking,  
slammed her hand down on the fire button once more. With no one there to keep the sheilds up, the  
proton cannon quickly destroyed the ship.  
  
"Taken care of," growled Opera, "Now, where was I?"  
  
Chisato got a thoughtful look on her face, and then responded with, "Somthing about beating me to  
death with the butt end of your gun, I think."  
  
"Oh, yeah, thanks. AND FUTHURMORE..."  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion awoke to the afternoon sunlight streaming thru his window. He rubbed the sleep out of his  
eyes, and ran a hand thru his blue hair. He looked at the clock, and saw that it was only one thirty.  
He didn't have to be at work until five that evening. He thought about getting up, but decided that  
he would rather turn over, and go back to sleep, which he promptly did.  
  
* * *  
  
"Ok, I GET IT! I MESSED UP!!" exclaimed Chisato after listening to Opera's ranting while tieing up   
the pirates, locking them in a nearby room, getting a drink of water, going to the bathroom, and  
finally, going back to the bridge. "Look, you have to repair the ship, right?"  
  
Opera breathed deeply, and began quietly counting to one hundred.  
  
"Well, if I'm not mistaken, we're close to Expel, by some crazy coincidence that the author pulled  
out of his ass at six in the morning when he hasn't slept since two yesterday afternoon. So, why  
don't we make a stop there, because I haven't seen most of our old friends for almost a year, and  
I bet you haven't been by there in a while either."  
  
"Hmm," said Opera, finaly beginning to calm down, "a plot hole, eh?" Chisato was right, however.  
Opera hadn't been by Expel for sevral months. Opera sat in the piolet seat, and set the control  
to manual.   
  
"I betcha Precis could even help you, huh?" began Chisato, sitting in the co-piolt's seat.   
"I mean, Expel has begun to become more developed, and ever since the Calnus logged it as an   
existing planet, the earth federation's been checking up there, like they do all undeveloped   
planets, and well, I'm sure Precis probably found SOMTHING there to learn space technology from."  
  
Opera looked at Chisato, shot a look that had all the ice of a planet that was three hundred light  
years from any heat source, and stated quite bluntly, "I still hate you right now."  
  
Chisato shrugged, sighed, and sat back for the ride. "She'll probably even leave me there," she  
stated under her breath.  
  
"Not a bad idea," stated Opera under hers.  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion walked into Sonic entirly on gaurd. He knew Morrigan was working, and he didn't know where  
she was. He found out as soon as he felt a pair of arms wrap around his neck from behind.  
  
"Hi, Morrigan," he said with a sigh.  
  
"Hey, babe," she said with a drawl, "When we going on a date?"  
  
"WE," began No Onion, sliding Morrigan's arms from off his neck, "aren't. I, however, may be going  
on one later on tonight." He was lying thru his teeth, but he hoped it would get Morrigan off his  
back for a little while.  
  
"Finally got your hand to say yes, huh Onion?" said Debo from the kitchen. He began to loudly   
guffaw at his joke.  
  
"Debo, how many females were activly trying to have sex with you last night?"  
  
"Duuuuuuhhh......"  
  
"I had about fifteen, and i have one," he shot Morrigan a half dirty look, and Morrigan, in return,  
simply smiled cutely, "attempting to right now. In OTHER words, I could get laid more and faster  
than you EVER could."  
  
Debo, however, was not to be outdone. His dense mind tried very hard to come up with somthing, and  
finally, he came up with this.   
  
"Well, thats because you're like chicken, and see, chicken in more common, so people have it more  
often. But, I'm like steak, and people don't eat steak as often, cause its better!"  
  
Every single person in Sonic tilted their heads to the side, and got the most confused look on  
their face that had ever crossed a face in the history of man.  
  
"WHAT!?!" said No Onion, Morrigan, the manager, and the person at fountain, all at once.  
  
Thankfully, a customer drove up to one of the speakers at that moment, saving everyone from a very  
idiotic explination.  
  
* * *  
  
"We're about two million meters from Expel, Op," said Chisato, looking at the co-piolt's instruments.  
  
Without looking away from the view screen, Opera said coldly, "You're still not allowed to talk."  
  
Chisato sighed, and sat back in her seat. Opera knew that she needed to place the cloaking device  
over her ship, but didn't want Chisato to do it, and also didn't want her to piolt.  
  
"So, how are we gonna not be seen? I notice the instruments stating you have a cloaking device. You  
gonna put that on any time soon?"  
  
"I thought I told you not to talk? Fine," said Opera with a sigh, "Take the helm while I turn on  
the cloaker."  
  
Chisato did so, and Opera began to boot up the nessicary equipment, hoping that it, too, wasn't   
messed up from the multi-thousand vold electrical attack. "I think theres a forest near Linga  
that you can land in, Chisa. Don't talk!" she stated, as Chisato began to open her mouth, "Just  
land the ship."  
  
* * *  
  
"Sir, everything is on schedule."  
  
"Any energy readings from the inhabited planets in the Sol system?"  
  
"A few on the undeveloped earth, sir. Nothing noticable on the more developed one."  
  
The evil plotter allowed a smirk to cross his face. "Well, let's change that, shall we? Increase   
power twenty percent."  
  
"Aye, sir."  
  
* * *  
  
Opera and Chisato walked into town, and looked around.   
  
"Alright," said Chisato, "You were here more recently than I was. Who's here and who isn't?"  
  
"Well, as of a year and a half ago, Precis still lived here, but her dad passed away. Ashton makes  
his home here when he isn't off being a sword for hire. I think Bowman was in the process of   
re-locating his pharmacy to Laccour itself. Rena had gone off with Claude. and I don't know WHERE   
the hell Celine is."  
  
"Ok, so the only person we're almost assured of seeing here is Precis. What about Leon?"  
  
"Oh, he's still studying at Laccour. Well, let's go see Precis, at least."  
  
With that, they walked towards Precis' house. However, they didn't have to walk to far, because   
a small blue blur passed by, followed by a larger, pink blur.  
  
"DAMNIT, BOBOT!!! GET BACK HERE!!!!! THIS ISN'T IN YOUR PROGRAMING ANYMORE!!!"  
  
"I'm gonna assume that was Precis," said Chisato, her head turned towards the direction the blur  
had gone to.  
  
"I'd be in agreement," said Opera, her head in the same position.  
  
A second more, and another blur passed them by. This blur was talking.   
  
"I thought...*puff, pant* you said....*huff, puff* you fixed it, Precis!"  
  
"That blur sounded like Leon," said Opera.  
  
"Well, since the blur had cat-ears, I think it was."  
  
"Think we should help them?"  
  
"I suppose. Otherwise, who knows HOW long they'll be chasing that thing."  
  
Opera slung her rifle from around her shoulder, and waited. The small blue blur passed by once   
again, With a shout of cold wind, Opera pulled the trigger. Bobot was stopped cold, frozen solid.  
  
Precis was going to fast to stop, however, and tripped over bobot, falling head over heels, and   
landing with a thud on the ground. Leon managed to stop just inches from the frozen robot.  
  
"OPERA, CHISATO!!! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?!?!"  
  
"Not even a thank you?" said Opera, slinging her gun over her shoulder once more.  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion wiped off his spatula, and slid it into his back pocket. He then turned to Debo.  
  
"I'm gonna go empty out the grease pump, and get you people some frys. Think you can handel it?"  
  
"Of course I can, you peice of chicken! I'm a steak, after all."  
  
No Onion rested his head in his hand, and sighed.  
  
"Debo, that joke made no sense three hours ago, and it gets stupider every time you make refrence  
to it. So, for all our sakes, stop it, please."  
  
As No Onion went to the storage part of the kitchen to get the grease pump, he heard Morrigan  
saying somthing about green lightening.   
  
"EH," he yelled, "IT WAS PURPLE EARLY THIS MORNING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HECK'S GOING ON!"  
  
He pushed the grease pump to the freezer door, and opened it. He stepped in, in order to get the   
frys, but suddenly heard an odd noise. He looked up, to see a swirling green energy. It was sucking  
everything in the freezer into it. No Onion included. He grabbed onto the grerase pump, with a shout  
of "HOLY SHIT!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!?!?!?!"  
  
Every single person in Sonic heard the shouts, and ran to the freezer. But, it was too late.   
No Onion, and the grease pump, got sucked into the green swirl, which promptly dissapeared.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
  
Authors note: You may have noticed the oddness of one of Opera's lines early in this chapter.  
The beehive line. Well, if you use Opera regularly, you'll recognize it as one of her voice   
samples; "I will turn you into a beehive." I think that line is odd and out of place no matter  
HOW it's used, so I attempt to make fun of it whenever possible, and I found a decent opening  
here.   
  
Author's second note: I also think I know what happened with that line. Apparently, the more  
correct translation is "I will turn you into a honeycomb." Now, if you've ever seen a honeycomb,  
its full of holes. THAT line makes a certain amount of sense. However, when the game was translated,  
they changed it to "beehive" which is most likely a still correct translation, just not one that  
makes sense. You know, such as Claude's name? It can be translated as "Claude" or "Crawd".  
Anyways, you get the picture. I'm going to stop rambling now. See, I didn't do it in the  
disclaimer, so I'm doing it in my notes. Ah, well, you knew it had to happen SOMEWHERE, eh?  
  
Author's third note: Oh, Debo's line about him being steak and No Onion being chicken, well,  
the REAL Debo said that line to me once. I'm not kidding. I couldn't make up somthing  
that stupid. 


	4. An Odd New World, Tho it's Old to Some P...

Disclaimer: Well, not quite, but, anyways. For those of you who read chapter three before I put  
up the more recent version of it, I have changed Ashton to Leon. I was orignally going to have  
Ashton here, but realized that I couldn't write him without getting yelled at by Edtel. And I'm  
already in a bit of trouble with her for making Chisato more ditzy than she is in the game. What  
do you people think? Chisato, more or less ditzy? Huh? Up to you....  
  
Chapter Four  
AN ODD NEW WORLD, ALTHOUGH IT'S OLD TO SOME PEOPLE.  
  
  
No Onion slowly opened his eyes, and immediatly regretted it. The intense sunlight flooded his  
eyes like the Amazon floods Africa every year. In addition to that, he had a tremendous headache.  
  
"Ugh, what did I DO last night?"  
  
He felt a slight pain in his back, and upon inspection, discovered a spatula. Looking around and   
seeing the half-thawed Sonic food around him made him remember what had happened. He had been  
sucked into some green thing. As he had fallen thru what looked like a green tunnel, weird  
energy had hit both him, and the grease pump that had gotten pulled in with him.  
  
The grease pump. He looked around for it, if only to see somthing that seemed familiar. He found  
it, but it was a changed peice of machinary. At one time, it was a box like thing on wheels, with  
a nozzle and a rotary pump to spray the grease into the grease barrel. It was now a gun. It looked  
very much like a machine gun, but still had a rotary handel on the side.   
  
"That energy musta done something REALLY fucked up to it. Wonder if it did anything to me?"  
  
* * *  
  
"So, Precis, how have you been?" asked Chisato.  
  
"Oh, I've been fine. Putzing around here, building new things. And, when Leon came to visit me and  
Bowman, he offered to help me for a while."  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'OFFERED'?" yelled a slightly irrate Leon. "You said that it was either help  
you, or you would test your new machine on me wether I liked it or not."  
  
Opera burst into laughter. Precis hadn't changed much in the past five years. Even after her dad  
had died, she still acted in almost the same way, if only a little bit more engrossed in her work.  
  
"Anyways, Precis, I can most likely repair the ship myself, I just need some parts, and I was HOPEING  
that you have them."  
  
Precis smiled slightly. "Hey, we're friends, right? My workshop is open to you. Anything you think  
would be useful, feel free to take. A ship crashed near here a few months back, you may even be  
able to steal a few parts from it."  
  
Opera said thank you, but then the full implications of what Precis had said sank in.  
  
"Wait, a ship crashed near here? What did it look like, what happened?"  
  
"Oh, chill Opera! It was a small, one person ship. No one was in the cockpit, which I found really  
weird. Anyways, I dissambeled the thing, and had Ashton, who was in town at the time, help me   
bring the parts here."  
  
"So, basically, you reduced it to scrap metal?"  
  
"Well, except all the computer stuff. But, yeah, there's not a WHOLE lot of it that's noticable as  
a space ship. I made sure of that, in case some one saw us bringing it here. Don't want the world  
learning things to quickly, I guess. Although, it WOULD be fun to travle thru space."  
  
"Eh, I'll take you sometime," said Opera distractedly, getting up and going in the direction of   
the workshop.  
  
* * *  
  
No Onion walked thru the grass land, with his spatula in one hand, and the grease gun slung around  
his shoulder. He had made a crude shoulder sling out of a few cleaning towels that had been in the  
freezer at the time of the energy.   
  
No Onion tried his damndest to figure out where he was, but he couldn't. He was quite familiar   
with the area of and around the town he lived in, and he was CERTAIN that he wasn't in or around  
the afore mentioned town. He wondered where on Earth he was.  
  
"Or off Earth. I mean, that energy shit was weird enough, and now, well..."  
  
He began to hum a small tune, and snap his fingers to keep beat, hoping to get his mind off of  
worrying. (Author's note: If you're fairly familiar with No Onion, and you DON'T know what's about  
to happen, I oughta smack you.) As soon as he snapped his fingers, however, he felt a pair of arms  
wrap around him. This startled him. Was he being attacked, or had Morrigan somehow found him even   
tho he was who knows HOW far away from Sonic?  
  
He pulled the arms away, and turned, to see a very good looking, very velouptous, very scantily  
dressed woman.  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"My name is Candy!" said the woman with a REALLY big smile.  
  
"And you came from?"  
  
Candy got a thoughtful look on her face, which surprised No Onion, since it was OBVIOUS her head  
was NOT made for thinking.  
  
"Umm, I don't know. I heard your snapping, and felt the uncontrollable urge to run up to you."  
  
"Ok," said No Onion slowly, attmepting as best he could to figure this odd turn of events out in his  
head. He snapped, and apparently, that triggered a very beutiful, if stupid, woman running up  
to him.   
  
"Well," he continued, after much thought, "You can now go back to where ever the hell it is you  
came from. Is that alright?"  
  
"Ok," said Candy, and with a bounce and a smile, she ran off, leaving No Onion staring in wide  
eyed wonder.  
  
"That's the oddest freaking thing I've EVER seen. I wonder if I can do it again."  
  
No Onion snapped his fingers once more, and this time, two women of the same caliber ran up to him.  
  
"Let me guess, you two have stripper names too, don't you?"  
  
* * *  
  
While Opera and Precis compared mechanical notes, Leon had convinced Chisato to take a walk around  
Linga with him.  
  
"So," said Leon excitedly, "what kind of places have you been to? I heard that you were travling  
throughout space. How did you manage to do that? Did you bring back any books from some other  
planet that I could study?"  
  
Chisato chuckled. Leon still loved to study. And, she didn't blame him for wanting books from  
another planet, since he had more than likely studied everything on THIS planet that had interested  
him. She then thought for a few moments, and pulled out a small, palm-sized machine.  
  
"Here," she said, "This is a copy of the guide I write for. You can find out about the various  
planets from it." She quickly showed Leon how to type in various commands to access the diffrent  
chapters. Leon's seventeen year old eyes shone with excitment.   
  
"You realize that this is going to make me want to see diffrent places even more, right?"  
  
"Well, this is the best I can do for you. It has a fairly nice chapter on hereldry science. Though  
I don't know if it'll have anything that you don't ALREADY know."  
  
Leon laughed. Suddenly, the conversation was cut short by the sound of Opera yelling.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WORSE, YOU OR MISS ELECTRO OVER THERE!"  
  
"WELL, IT WOULD WORK!!! THE PARTS SEEM THE SAME! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADD THIS PEICE TO YOUR SHIP?"  
  
"YOU CAN'T ADD AN ARCTURIAN PHASE DRIVE INGNITER ON A SHIP THAT USES STANDARD THRUSTERS!! THE SHIP  
WILL BLOW UP!!!"  
  
"BUT THEY LOOK THE SAME!"  
  
Opera stormed out of Precis house, with Precis in close following, Opera walked by Chisato, and   
grabbed her arm.  
  
"Come on, Chisa. We'll be repairing the ship ourselves. Then, we'll be SLEEPING ON THE SHIP!"  
  
Opera dragged Chisato out of town. Precis stopped by Leon. Leon gave her a funny look.  
  
"What? They looked the same!"  
  
As Opera and Chisato began to leave town, No Onion walked in, clothes torn and ragged. He had various  
cuts all over his body, with a rather nasty one going across his cheek, all of which were still  
relitivly fresh. He was stumbling as though he were drunk, and he was dragging a gun along with   
him. The tip of the gun's barrel was caked with what appeared to be congealing grease.  
  
He looked at Opera with a look of familiarty. "Hey, gorgeous," he said in a gravlly, forced voice,  
"good to see you again." He then dropped to the ground, unconcious.  
* * *   
  
"What do you mean, you recognize him?" asked Precis and Chisato, helping drag an unconcious No  
Onion into Precis' house.  
  
"Ok, Chisa. Remember I was telling you about that weird, undeveloped Earth?"  
  
"Ummm, yeah, I think so. Wait, THIS was that guy?"  
  
"Yeah, THIS was that guy! But, how the hell did he get here?"  
  
"Maybe," said Chisato, helping Precis lay No Onion on the guest room bed, "the same thing that  
sent you to that other Earth?"  
  
"No," said Opera, pacing around the room, thinking aloud, "that took me to the same place, whatever  
dimension I was in. If he stumbled into one of those, it should have put him into the same place,  
diffrent dimension."  
  
Suddenly, Chisato looked at the reader, and held up her right hand.  
  
"There is no plot hole. What Opera just said was not important. These are not the droids you seek."  
Content with her Jedi Mind Trick, she turned back to the story.  
  
"I guess," said Leon, as he finshed casting the one healing spell he had managed to learn.  
"We'll just have to wait until the guy wakes up. And, from the looks of it, that won't be any   
time soon."  
  
"He's actually kinda cute, if you over look the the dirt and fresh scar on his face," said Precis.  
Leon rolled his eyes.  
  
"Don't you start, Precis. What is it with you and Earthlings? First Claude, and now you're gonna  
hit on THIS guy?"  
  
"Well," said Precis with a slight air of snootiness, "its not like theres anyone around HERE I would  
want to flirt with. And besides, I DON'T FLIRT!" This led to a nice shouting argument between Leon  
and Precis, with Chisato attempting to keep peace. Opear was still trying to figure out how No   
Onion had gotten there, and why he looked as though he had gone thru a fight.  
* * *  
  
"Did you take care of the Earthling?"  
  
"Not a problem, sir. He hadn't even discovered everything that the energy had done to him."  
  
"So, he's dead? I want to make sure that there will be none to put a damper on my plans."  
  
"Well, sir, if he's not dead, he won't be bothering you."  
  
Suddenly, a bolt of energy killed the lackey that was giving the report.  
  
"That's not good enough. I want his head brought to me. Now go. And you, make sure the merge goes  
as plan."  
  
* * *  
  
It was now twelve midnight, and everyone had gone to sleep. Everyone except Opera. She was insitint  
on finding out as much as she could, and decided to stay by No Onion, in case he woke up. That  
didn't stop her from dozing off in her chair, however.  
  
No Onion slowly opened his eye.  
  
"I gotta stop doing that. Every time I do, I regret it." He looked around, attempting  
to get his bearings straight. The first thing he noticed was a very beutiful woman, asleep in a  
chair near him.  
  
"Damn. Can you say de ja vu?"  
  
He kept looking around. He saw his grease-gun, his hat, his spatula, and his shoes leaning and near  
a wall. Suddenly, he saw Opera stir, and then jerk awake.  
  
"Woah, gorgeous. You'll give yourself a heart attack."  
  
"YOU! How'd you get here?!"  
  
No Onion shook his head, as though he was trying to clear it. "Well, it was green, and it sucked,  
in just about every way you could think of. Any other questions 'fore I pass out again?"  
  
"Why do you look like you went thru a big fight?"  
  
"That's actually kinda interesting. Four or five, or, hell, I don't remember HOW many, guys appeared  
out of nowhere, and informed me that their boss wanted me dead. Well, I began to fire my grease  
gun, and the burning hot liquid seemed to put sevral of them at bay. But, well, two of them got   
close, and knocked my gun away. I used that spatula over there to attempt to fight them, and  
actually did a LOT better than I thougt I would. But, the numbers got me. One got thru, and it   
went downhill from there. When the last one slashed me across the face with his sword, I dropped  
and they left me for dead."  
  
"How did you survive?"  
  
No Onion sighed. "That's the weirdest thing. When they left, I found myself thinking about Sonic  
food. A cherry-limeade, thats a type of drink, appeared in my hand. I drank it, and, it gave me  
enough strength to drag myself here."  
  
"Sonic?"  
  
"It's a resturant. So, gorgeous, what happened to you?" But, thankfully for Opera, No Onion dropped  
back into unconciousness once again before she had to answer.  
  
Opera shook her head. This guy didn't know any more than she did. He was just a guy that got dragged   
into whatever the hell was happening, and most likely against his will. She laughed slightly,   
realizing that if he had come five years earlier, he would have been almost considered the  
Warrior. But, that line of thought didn't help her achieve her goals, which was to figure everything  
out. She decided to go to sleep in the room that Precis had designated as hers, and figure it all  
out in the morning.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
Author's note: Ummm, there's not enough people reviewing. I'm sad...... 


	5. Not This Again

Chapter Five  
NOT THIS AGAIN.  
  
  
"Oh my Gawd!!!" yelled Morrigan, starring in horror at the spot where No Onion and the green   
swirling energy had been mere seconds before. "What happened? Where's Brian!?!"  
  
Everyone was starring in wide eyed wonder. Morrigan was on the brink of hysteria, as was the   
manager, but for a diffrent reason.  
  
"Shit. I guess we'd better close down. We don't know what happened, and we don't know if it'll   
happen again. The district manager is gonna have my ass..."  
  
* * *  
  
"So, how is he?" asked Opera to Leon, who had just come out from the room they had placed No   
Onion in.  
  
"Why? You LOOOOOVE him or somthing?"  
  
Opera sighed. "Don't make me beat you, you seventeen year old little punk. He's the only link we  
have to whatever the hell happened to me. Now, I normally wouldn't care about it so much, but,  
well, since he's here, there must be SOMTHING going on, and it CAN'T be natural!"  
  
"I suppose you're right about that. Well, he should be fine. He's still healing up, since that  
healing spell I cast wasn't too powerful."  
  
"Speaking of which, where did you learn a healing spell? I thought that there wasn't anything like  
that in Expellian hereldry science?"  
  
"I...errr...borrowed...a book from Dr. Mirage's house, when we were on Nede. It took me two years  
to translate the spell into the same type of magic we use, and I don't think I got it quite right,  
because no matter how often I use it, it doesn't seem to be very powerful."  
  
"Wait, you stole a book from Dr. Mirage? I can't belive you did that!"  
  
"Yeah, and now the planet's destroyed. What are you going to do?"  
  
Just then, the door behind Leon swung open, and No Onion stumbled out, still looking slightly beat  
up, but looking a lot better than when he stumbled into town. Leon ran up to him, to make sure he  
wasn't doing anything stupid by standing up.  
  
"Back off, cat-boy. The only person I want doteing over me is that three eyed beuty over there."  
  
All three of Opera's eyes narrowed in a very dirty look. She looked from No Onion to Leon, and said  
"Leon, please tell me he's well enough to beat."  
  
No Onion shot off a surprised look. "Geez, gorgeous. With an attitude like that, it's no WONDER you  
don't recognize a pick up line. You prolly never get any."  
  
Leon intelligently dove out of the way of Opera's flying hand. No Onion, however, had no such luck  
and was catapulted into the air, and landed flat on his back.   
  
"LISTEN YOU! THE ONLY REASON I DON'T BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE IS BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY  
LINK TO WHATEVER THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME BACK IN THE SOL SYSTEM! SO CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY!!!"  
With that, Opera stormed out of the house.   
  
Leon crawled over to where the half unconcious No Onion. No Onion managed to sit himself up against  
a wall, and began to rub his now red and very sore face.  
  
"Ugh. Maybe I was better off with those people who were trying to kill me."  
  
"Keep that up," said Leon, "and she'll be joining their ranks. So, what's your name?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. In all the hub-bub of almost being killed, I musta forgotten the introductions.  
I'm No Onion. You are?"  
  
"I'm Leon. The three-eyed barbarian is Opera. I don't know if you remember them, but the hyper  
burnette is Precis, and the red head is Chisato. You're on a planet called Expel. We're currently  
trying to figure out why you're here, and how you got here."  
  
"Oh, how I got here? That's simple. You just hop into some green energy. Fun for the whole family!"  
  
Leon gave No Onion a funny look. He felt that this No Onion fellow was acting way to happy for   
someone who almost died, and he said so.  
  
"Oh, well," was No Onion's response,"I figger, when it's my time to die, I'll die. Untill then,   
I'll just have some fun. In fact, I've discovered something REALLY interesting since I got here.  
Watch." With that, No Onion snapped his fingers, and two bikini clad, very shapely women ran from  
no where, and helped him to his feet.  
  
"H..how did you do that? And....can you teach me?"  
  
* * *  
  
"I can not BELIVE that man! Insulting me like that! Although, I DO admire his raw amount of nerve.  
BUT STILL!!!"  
  
Opera was so busy with her own inner rantings, that she didn't notice as she passed by Chisato and  
Precis.  
  
"Where you going, Miss Stormcloud?" asked Precis.  
  
"Anywhere that that.....ASSHOLE isn't!"  
  
"Asshole or not," said Precis, "He's STILL cute."  
  
Opera shot Precis a look that would have frozen hell.   
  
"Wow," said Chisato. "You've been giving a lot of those looks, Op. You're WAY too tense."  
  
Opera gave Chisato the same look, and then asked "So, where have you two been? Did you find anything  
useful?"   
  
"The library," answered Chisato, "And, no. Although, the more I think about it, the more I think  
that it may have been a convergence of space/time. You see, from what you described, it sounded  
like you ended up going to an undeveloped Earth, almost like it was an Earth of an earlier time.  
The only way that would happen is if you jumped into a space/time rift. And, of course, the only  
way a space/time rift would happen is if there were a concentrated convergence of two space/time  
continums."  
  
Opera gave Chisato the most confused look that had ever crossed her face. "Chisa, how the HELL do you go  
from not realizing that a bunch of electricity can fry ship circitry two days ago, to becoming a  
space/time expert now?"  
  
"Questions that aren't important to the plot shouldn't be asked. Now, we need to find a way to get  
back there, and test the energy surrounding the Sol system, and see if there really IS a convergence  
of space/time, because if there is, it really COULD be trouble. But, where can we get an energy  
tester on such short notice, and without a completely working ship?"  
  
"What about your connections?" asked Opera, "Maybe a world you gave a good review for, or something?"  
  
"There's not any that we can get to until your ship is completely working. The closest place I know  
of that we can get an energy tester is about one hundred light years past the sol system. Thats a   
good three weeks trip, even with a good working ship."  
  
"I've got one," said Precis, who had been uncharactoristically quiet.  
  
"How do you know it's an energy reader, miss 'I can put two parts together because they look the   
same'?"  
  
Precis shot Opera a rather dirty look, and said "It was labeld 'energy tester'. I found it on that  
ship that crashed."  
  
"Gee, what a convienent little plot device," said Chisato. "Anyways, Op, if we install that onto  
your ship..."  
  
"Then we can head back to the Sol system, and test the energy! Come on, Precis. I'll do anything  
to get away from that blue haired freak."  
  
"Leon isn't so bad," said Precis.  
  
With that, the two mechanists ran to Precis' house.  
  
"Gee, and not even a thank you," said Chisato, who was left standing there in the middle of Linga.  
* * *  
  
Three hours later, Chisato was still walking through town, out of simple boredom. Opera and Precis  
were working on Opera's ship, Leon and No Onion were inside Precis' house, talking about who knew  
what, leaving Chisato all by herself to be bored. She decided to write a bit about this planet  
for the Travller's Guide. As she sat at a bench by the inn, and pulled out her electronic notepad,  
three uniformed men walked into town.  
  
They were dressed in brown, standard military uniforms, complete with swords at their side. Chisato  
recognized the swords as an Alarian make. The Alarians were generally recognized as some of the  
best blacksmiths in the galaxy. They couldn't throw a decent party, however, which means that no  
one, other than another Alarian, should EVER go to one of their partys.  
  
The one who appeared to be the leader looked around as though he was looking for someone in particular.  
He stared straight at Chisato, said some things to his partners in a language that wasn't recognizable  
to her, and then pointed.  
  
"You, red," he began, "we are looking for someone. He has blue hair, and he carries a spatula and  
a gun like machine. Have you seen him?"  
  
Chisato sighed and put her notepad away. Just when she was beginning to get excited about a project, too.  
"Maybe. Why you looking for him?"  
  
"He...merely stole something of minor value from our village. Have you seen him, or not?"  
  
"I told you, maybe. What village are you from?" Chisato knew very well that these people weren't   
from Expel, but she relished slightly in giving them a hard time.  
  
"Er...one rather far away. I doubt you'd have heard of it. Have you seen the man we are looking for?"  
  
"Try me," said Chisato with a slight smirk, "I've been all over this world."  
  
The man, whom Chisato had now labeled in her mind as the general, drew his sword.  
  
"If you don't tell me what you know, wench, I will be forced to kill you!"  
  
Chisato rolled her eyes, and assumed a low offensive stance. "I'd really like to see you try."  
  
The General charged, and attempted a downward swing. Chisato spun out of the way, and with the added  
force of her spin, swung a hard kick to the back of her opponent's head. The General flew face  
first into the dirt road.  
  
"Anyone else?" asked Chisato with a smile on her face. The two others, whom Chisato had labled   
Flunky A and Flunky B, drew their swords, and charged at her. Chisato jumped into the air, kicked  
them both in the back of the head, flipped, and landed on her feet. As she did, she pulled a small  
object out of her pouch, which grew into her flamethrower. She pointed it at the men.  
  
"Look, I know you're not from Expel. You're energy's wrong."  
  
"Our energy?" asked the General.  
  
"Oh, I'm a martial artist. I can do weird things like shoot energy blasts and sense other people's  
energy. And, if I focused enough, I could fly! But, thats besides the point. Now, why are you here?"  
  
"I already told you," said the general, "We're looking for that man! And, due to your idiotic   
babbling, I have already called some re-inforcements."  
  
Chisato looked around, just in time to see seven more people suddenly appear out of thin air.  
  
* * *  
  
"NO, YOU IMBICLE!! THE RED WIRE DOES NOT CONNECT THERE!!"  
  
"BUT THAT'S HOW IT WAS CONNECTED IN THE OTHER SHIP!!!"  
  
"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE OTHER SHIP!?!"  
  
"Well, no, BUT STILL!!!"  
  
"Look, you ditz! If the way it's connected is this way..." Opera began to attempt to connect the  
energy tester to her control board, She took the red wire, attached it to the place where she belived  
that it should be connected, and it began to spark, and smoke. She quickly disconnected it.  
  
"Told you so!" said Precis.  
  
* * *  
  
"So, you actually stuck in with Opera in a drinking contest?!" asked Leon, surprised as he had  
ever been.  
  
"Yeah. We had each had about a bottle of tequila, which is a drink thats about half alcohol. Anyways,  
we both got up, and dropped right there. I COULDA drunk more, of course.."  
  
Suddenly, Leon's cat like ears began to twich.   
  
"What's the matter, cat-boy?"  
  
"First, my name is Leon. Second, it sounds like there's a fight outside."  
  
Leon grabbed his book, and ran outside. No Onion grabbed his HAYCO bar-b-que spatula, and followed.  
They ran close to where Leon had heard the fight, and saw Chisato locked in a vicious battle. Four  
men lay on the ground, two looking as though they had been hit by fire, all of them motionless. The  
broken peices of a blue gun lay on the ground near the scuffle. Chisato was doing as good as she could  
weaponless, but it was obvious she was tiring. It became even more obvious when she took a hit  
from a sword right across her back. As she fell, the three who remaind standing closed in.  
  
"Onion! See if you can hold them off! I'm gonna prepare a spell!"  
  
No Onion shrugged, and ran into the fray. He had never thought of himself as a fighter, but he  
HAD taken about two months worth of fencing, in order to attempt to get a date with the instructor.  
He had also become an amature pro wreslter for about a month on a dare. He hoped that it would  
be enough.  
  
He grabbed one from behind, and pefromed a falling neck breaker, effectivly killing the man.   
He hopped back up, to see the other two swinging their swords.  
  
No Onion began a defensive retreat, using his spatula as a sword. It surprised the hell out of him  
that his spatula didn't break, but he didn't have time to think about that right now. He saw an   
opening, and kicked one hard in the gut. He bent over, the pain even worse because of the steel  
toed boots that covered No Onion's feet.   
  
The other one, who was still upright, swung his sword hard, and knocked the spatula from No Onion's  
hand. No Onion attempted to hop back as the sword swung back across his chest, but he still took  
a rather nasty cut. He stumbled back, clutching his chest in a vain attempt to stop the blood  
from flowing.   
  
Both his opponents, for the one he had kicked had gotten his bearings straight and picked up his  
sword once more, slowly closed in on him. For some unknown reason, No Onion began to babble.  
  
"Hey, guys, you can't kill me yet! I bet you've never even had a Sonic burger! Have you? Oh, they   
are THE greatest things!! They taste SOOO good, and.."  
  
Suddenly, and this surprised No Onion even more than the spatula not breaking, a hamburger  
appeared in his hand. Not knowing what else to do, he threw it at the two men. It exploded, and   
they stumbled back, holding their faces in pain.   
  
No Onion looked up, as he heard an odd sound. A huge black hole began to open up in the sky, and  
a huge monster jumped out.   
  
"HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT IS THAT THING!?!?!" yelled No Onion, jumping to the ground.  
  
"GREMLIN'S LAIR!!!" shouted Leon, as the huge gremlin began to eat the the living opponents. It then  
returned back into the black hole, and the hole closed up. Leon ran to Chisato, and quickly cast the  
healing spell. Chisato's wound scabbed over, as Leon ran to No Onion and did the same thing.  
  
Opera ran up behind Leon right then. "Leon, what the hell was happening? Who were those guys? We  
came into town just in time to see this idiot throw a bomb at them. Who were they?"  
  
"I dunno! Onion and I ran out here to see them fighting Chisato."  
  
"They were after me," said No Onion, prompting the cuirious looks of Opera and Leon. "They were  
dressed just like the guys who tried to kill me earlier, so I'm assuming they were after me. That's  
why I helped out. I couldn't let any one die because of me. It wouldn't have been right, especially  
after you all have done so much for me."  
  
"That's....actually pretty admirable of you," said Opera. "What did you say your name was again?"  
  
"You can call me Brian, gorgeous." said No Onion with a smile.  
  
"Ok, ok, enough flirting!" exclaimed Precis, who was at that moment half tossing Chisato into  
Opera's arms, "Do you know why they wanna kill you?"  
  
"No idea, honeychick. Wish I knew."  
  
"Well," continued Precis, sliding up close to where No Onion was sitting, "That was still really  
brave of you to try to fight them off like that."  
  
"Ummm...thanks..." said No Onion, slightly put off.  
  
"Brave of HIM?" asked Chisato in a tone of unbelife, "I'M the one who fought them off when there  
were TEN of them! HELLO!?!"  
  
Precis shot Chisato a dirty look, and then turned back to No Onion. "Here, let me help you up. And  
I wanna look at your little gun thingy, too."  
  
Precis helped No Onion to his feet, and then practically dragged him to her house, leaving everyone  
else shaking their heads.  
  
* * *  
  
"Is the barrier in place?"  
  
"Yes sir. No one can get within twenty light years of the Sol system. And, no ships can get out,   
either."  
  
"Good. And, what about the Earthling? Has he been taken care of?"  
  
"The last report we recieved stated that they were closing in on his most possible position."  
  
"Good."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED  
  
Author's note: Ok, in case you didn't realize it, I was pokeing fun at Dragon Ball Z with Chisato's  
comment. Don't get me wrong, I like the show, it's fun to watch. But, I found an opening, and  
took it. Also, the mysterious evil guys made a comment in chapter two that the little whatever  
the hell it was was fifty light year circumfrence, and that anyone who passed near it was sent  
to the other dimension. Well, I was tired when I wrote that. Let's pretend that it was fifty KILOMETERS,  
(yes, I am aware of how short a distance that is in space) and let's say that the mysterious leader  
guy was all unhappy about it, and told them to start erecting a barrier, because he didn't want   
anyone able to interfere with his plan. Ok? Thanks, I knew you'd understand. 


End file.
